I've changed a lot over the last ten years.
At least I think I have.
I've become more aware of how I respond to things, how I treat people, and how my words and actions affect those around me.
And I've worked pretty hard at changing some habits I'm not particularly proud of.
But here's something that frustrates me.
Sometimes, when I slip back into one of those old habits, the people who know me best seem to recognize it immediately.
"There he goes again."
"That's just how he is."
"He'll never change."
Maybe they don't always say those words out loud. But sometimes I can almost feel the assumption.
And I get it.
They've seen that version of me before.
My wife. My kids. Friends. Maybe even people I've worked with for years.
They have plenty of history to draw from.
But here's what I wish they could see.
For every time they see me slip back into an old habit, there may have been dozens of times when I chose differently.
Times when I held my tongue.
Times when I recognized my frustration and stepped away.
Times when I questioned an assumption instead of immediately reacting to it.
Times when I did something differently than I would have ten years ago.
Most of those moments go unnoticed.
And that's okay. I'm not changing to earn applause.
But it can be discouraging when one familiar reaction seems to erase all the progress I've made.
Because here's something I believe.
Just because I occasionally act like the person I used to be doesn't mean I'm still that person.
Now, before I get too comfortable with that thought, there's another side to this.
The people who know me best didn't develop their expectations overnight.
I helped create them.
Years of habits, reactions, and behaviors taught people what to expect from me.
And I can't reasonably expect them to forget all of that just because I've decided I'm working on something.
Trust takes time.
Consistency matters.
And if I want people to recognize that I've changed, I have to give them the opportunity to see that change over time.
That's mine to own.
But all of this has gotten me thinking about something else.
Am I doing the same thing to other people?
Am I so familiar with someone's past behavior that I automatically expect it to happen again?
Have I already decided how someone is going to respond before they've even had the opportunity?
Am I holding someone to a version of themselves they may be working hard to leave behind?
That's a little uncomfortable to consider.
Because I know how frustrating it can be to feel like your past is following you around.
And I certainly don't want to be the person making someone else feel that way.
I'm not suggesting we ignore patterns or pretend the past doesn't matter.
It does.
And I'm not suggesting that one good decision means someone has completely changed.
But neither does one bad decision mean they haven't.
Growth isn't simply the absence of old habits. Sometimes it's the increasing number of times we choose not to repeat them.
And we don't always get to see those choices in other people.
That's what I'm trying to remind myself.
I want people to recognize that I'm still growing, even when I occasionally stumble.
But if that's what I want for myself, shouldn't I be willing to offer that same possibility to others?
Maybe I need to be a little less certain about who someone is.
Maybe I need to question the expectations I've carried for years.
Maybe I need to leave room for the possibility that someone is changing in ways I haven't noticed yet.
Because I haven't arrived.
And neither has anyone else.
If I want people to leave room for my growth, I need to be willing to leave room for theirs.
— Coach Dave
Your NoBS Reflection
NOTICE: Who in my life might I still be seeing through the lens of their past?
OWN: Have I allowed someone's occasional mistakes to overshadow the possibility that they're growing?
BUILD: What could I do to become more curious about who someone is becoming rather than assuming I already know?
SUSTAIN: How can I continue leaving room for others to change while recognizing that growth takes time and consistency?
