A couple of weeks ago, I injured my ankle during a 19-mile trail run.
In two weeks, I'm running a 25K trail race.
I've been strongly encouraged to seek a medical opinion. And my response?
Why would I go get a medical opinion if I already know it isn't going to change my mind?
Yep. You read that right.
And before anyone starts telling me why that's a bad idea, let me save you some time.
I've already considered it.
I know there's a risk of making the injury worse. I know I could end up spending more time recovering. And I know some people are going to think I'm being an idiot.
That's okay.
I'm not asking anyone to agree with my decision.
My ankle has been improving. I've been paying attention to how it responds, adjusting my activity, and drawing on decades of experience with endurance events.
I'm not ignoring the risk.
I've considered the risk, and I've decided it's worth taking.
Now, here's something else I know about myself.
I'm stubborn.
Really stubborn.
And while that characteristic has gotten me into trouble more than once, it's also helped me accomplish things I might never have attempted otherwise.
So when I recognize that stubbornness is influencing my decision, I have to ask myself something.
Just because I've become aware of something about myself, does that automatically mean I need to change it?
I've been thinking about that quite a bit.
We spend a lot of time talking about self-awareness, recognizing blind spots, and becoming better versions of ourselves. And I'm all for that. Heck, it's a big part of what NoBS is about.
But somewhere along the way, I think we can start treating everything we discover about ourselves as something that needs fixing.
I'm not convinced that's true.
Sometimes becoming aware of something simply helps us understand ourselves better.
I know I'm stubborn. I know that stubbornness influences my decisions. And I know that sometimes it leads me to take risks other people wouldn't take.
But I also know that same stubbornness has helped me push through difficult situations, accomplish things I once thought impossible, and discover what I'm capable of.
So why would I automatically want to change it?
Not everything we notice about ourselves needs to be changed. Sometimes it just needs to be understood.
Now, there's a catch.
Recognizing something about ourselves doesn't give us a free pass to justify whatever we want.
And I'll admit, there's an uncomfortable question sitting right in the middle of my own situation.
Am I making a thoughtful decision, or am I simply finding reasons to support a decision I've already made?
That's worth asking.
Because being aware that I'm stubborn doesn't necessarily mean I'm being objective. And my experience doesn't mean there's nothing more I could learn about this injury.
Maybe there's something I'm missing.
I'm willing to acknowledge that possibility, even if I'm not currently willing to change my plans.
And I think that's an important distinction.
Intentionality doesn't automatically mean choosing the safest or most comfortable option.
But it should mean being willing to examine our reasoning, acknowledge what we don't know, and accept responsibility for our choices.
There's another distinction I don't want to overlook.
When our behavior is causing real harm to other people, simply saying "That's just how I am" isn't ownership. It's an excuse.
We may have the freedom to accept personal risks, but that doesn't give us permission to knowingly continue behaviors that hurt others.
That's when awareness needs to lead to something more.
As for my ankle?
I'm still planning to run.
I might finish feeling great. I might regret the decision. And I might discover something about myself that I haven't considered yet.
The outcome isn't guaranteed, and I'm not pretending it is.
But here's where I've landed for now.
Awareness doesn't automatically require change. It requires us to honestly consider whether change is necessary.
Sometimes the answer is yes.
Sometimes the answer is no.
And sometimes we have to be willing to live with the consequences of the choice we make.
I've made mine.
And if things go to hell in a handbasket, I'll swallow my pride and go see the doctor. (Sheepish grin.)
— Coach Dave
Your NoBS Reflection
NOTICE: What's something you've recognized about yourself that you've automatically assumed needs to change?
OWN: Are you making a thoughtful choice about it, or finding reasons to justify what you've already decided?
BUILD: How can you better distinguish between something you need to change and something you simply need to understand?
SUSTAIN: How will you remain open to reconsidering your choices, especially when new information or their impact on others gives you a reason to?
