Observation vs. Interpretation

In a previous week I wrote about learning to listen beyond someone's words.

There's a caution with that.

The more I notice, the more information I have available to misinterpret.

Think about it.

You crossed your arms.

Observation.

You're defensive.

Interpretation.

You got quiet when I mentioned the change.

Observation.

You're angry about the decision.

Interpretation.

The interpretation might be right.

I might have experience telling me it's probably right.

But that doesn't mean it is.

And I think I blur that line more often than I'd like to admit.

I see something.

My brain explains it.

And almost instantly, the explanation starts feeling like something I actually observed.

But I didn't observe that you were angry.

I observed that you got quiet.

I didn't observe that you were defensive.

I observed that you crossed your arms.

Everything after that is the story I'm telling myself about what I saw.

Maybe your arms are crossed because you're defensive.

Maybe you're cold.

Maybe you're comfortable sitting that way.

Maybe you're thinking deeply about what I just said.

Maybe there's something going on that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

I don't know.

And those three words may be more important than they seem.

Because I don't know creates room for curiosity.

Once I've decided what something means, I don't have much reason to ask about it.

I already have my answer.

But if I can separate what I actually noticed from what I've interpreted, something changes.

Instead of:

You're obviously frustrated.

I can say:

You got pretty quiet. What's going on?

Instead of:

You don't agree with me.

I can say:

Your expression changed when I said that. What are you thinking?

That's a pretty small difference in language.

But it represents a huge difference in posture.

One begins with a conclusion.

The other begins with curiosity.

And this is where Notice gets harder than simply paying attention.

Notice isn't permission to become more confident in my assumptions.

It's an invitation to see more clearly.

The goal isn't to become an expert at reading people.

It's to notice enough that I know what to become curious about.

Observation gives me information.

Interpretation is how I make sense of it.

I need both. 

The problem begins when I forget which is which.

So I'm trying to practice something pretty simple:

Notice more.
Assume less.
Get curious.

Because sometimes the blind spot isn't what I failed to notice.

It's what I decided it meant.

— Coach Dave

Your NoBS Reflection

NOTICE: What did I actually observe and what meaning did I add to it?

OWN: Where might I be treating an interpretation as though it's fact?

BUILD: What question could I ask to test my interpretation rather than assuming it's correct?

SUSTAIN: How can I practice staying curious before deciding what something means?